Me

Jokes:

• Male Bashing
• Rednecks
• Actual Fast Food Job Application
• Blonde Jokes
• AOL/Chat Slang
• 25 Deep Thoughts
• 59 Interesting Facts
• Signs That You're Too Drunk
• Computer Lab Pranks
• Doctor Speak
• Warning Signs of Insanity
• One Liners
• Church Bulletin Bloopers
• Short Laughs
• You Know You're In Trouble When...
• Things Men Wish Women Knew
• If Men Ruled the World
• Football Players College Entrance Exam
• Honeymooners
• Love to...but...
• Bitch Poem

1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.

2. You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

6. Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.

9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

10. Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.

11. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

12. Everything should be made as simple as possible but no simpler.

13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

15. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

16. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

17. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

18. One-seventh of your life is wasted on Monday.

19. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

20. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

21. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

22. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

23. This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.

24. Never wrestle with a pig: You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

25. The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a do it yourself thing.

26. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

27. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

28. If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.

29. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

30. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.

31. Plagiarism saves time.

32. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

33. TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.

34. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

35. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse? Can you be a closet claustrophobic? If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax? If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? What was the best thing before sliced bread? Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines? After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water? How come there aren't B batteries?Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?FIGHT BACK! Fill out your tax forms with Roman numerals.